Since this is my workshop, my man cave, where I spend countless hours slaving over projects for the family, I decided it fitting that this be a high-end time piece. Obviously, everyone knows the finest timekeeping on the planet is meticulously crafted by the Swedes. So, naturally, I returned from an excursion to our local importer of quality, Swedish goods with a gorgeous example of their renowned work. It was a brilliant piece, with a white face, a crimson second hand, and crisp, black hands and numbering. It was a glorious product of Sweden, crafted in China.
|"Rusch" translated into Swedish, means "Premium Clock, by IKEA"|
|Amateurs should not try this one-handed. I'm a pro.|
|Remember to account for the deflection caused by your pole saw collection.|
|"Luke, you've turned off your targeting computer"|
|If this was the Death Star, it would be where you shoot your proton torpedo.|
|Steady my friends,...steady.|
|Beautiful, flexible, translucent plastic.|
Then, I carefully measured to the center of the mounting hole, from the top of the clock. It was an even 2 ½ inches (6.35 cm) below the lip. I carefully recorded the measurements on a Wear-N-Write, wrist mounted white board, for easy reference and hands free calculating.
I completed the complex calculations on a project calculator.
(9.5" / 2) - 2.5" = 1.75" (1 3/4" (4.445 cm))
I had mathmatically determined that needed to install my mounting hardware precisely 1 ¾ inches above the mark I had made earlier. I transferred the measurement, scribing a second pencil mark only a mere quarter of an inch below a full two inches above my initial mark. This was precision tool work, requiring micro calipers, not the sloppy approximation offered by a common tape measure.
I'm embarrassed to confess that I don't own a quality, precision protractor to set the angle. I had to line up my 15 degree approach with a plebeian rafter square, like a barbarian. Forgive me for my sloppy technique, but DIY is a craft of creative problem solving.
Enough prancing around like a dandy prince with tiny hand tools, it was time for some heavy lifting. Power tools must be unleashed! Since penetrating OSB is not for the weak of heart, I recommend a heavy-duty cordless drill with an added fore grip for stability. A hammer drill option is preferential; be prepared. Don't skimp on the Personal Protective Equipment (PPE), heavy, cuffed work gloves, hearing protection, safety glasses, steel-toe boots, shin guards and a cup (gentlemen only) are the de rigueur of the moment. I made sure Sweetie and the kids were well out of range and let the 1/8" razor sharp bit tear hungerly into the wall sheathing like a rabid dog. It was over in moments. If there had been smoke, it would have slowly cleared. The pilot hole laid the wall open, revealing the darkness within.
At this point, it was time to take a break and recharge. Shaky hands, wet with nervous perspiration were not good for the challenges ahead. I recommend a completely natural, yet processed source of nourishment and rejuvenation, preferably molded into real, miniature food shapes.
|Don't forget the paper towel, lest they get "icky"|
|This must be exactly how it looks, or the project will fail.|
I thought of the great minds ahead of me, who didn't just didn't quit: "Would Jimmy Carter have invented the peanut if he quit?" "Would George Washington discovered Delaware if he had quit?" Would The Ayatollah have invented Rock 'N Rolla if he had quit?" The answer to all, of course, "no".
With renewed purpose and determination, I returned to the task. I carefully selected the next specimen, a real beauty. GOOD GOD! They had harnessed a mighty 1.6 volts of direct current! It exceeded the manufacturer's expectations by an incredible 6.25%. I WOULD BE TELLING TIME THIS DAY!!!
Oh yeah, refer to AZ DIY Guy's Scary Warning - Electrical Edition
before attempting any electrical work on your own.
before attempting any electrical work on your own.
I flexed my dexterity muscles and installed the battery with steely-eyed, steady-handed precision. There were no mishaps, no injuries.
The Swedish / Chinese beast roared to life with a mighty "tick",...closely followed by another,... and another. It lives!
I'm not one to celebrate too quickly. A quick visit to the atomic clock (www.time.gov) verified that my mobile device to be accurate. Then it got tricky; this tiny, little, miniature, diminutive wheel must be rotated, very carefully to set the time.
To make it extra tricky, you have to turn the wheel, while its completely out of sight! Somehow I managed to make the adjustment while simultaneously watching my cell phone display AND the hands of the clock. I stopped the adjustment when the hands depicted the actual time of day, in my timezone.
|I wonder how our Grandparents did this step.|
|Again with the steadiness.|
Complete. REVEAL TIME!!! The breathtaking beauty of the fine, almost perfectly circular marvel of modern time keep-ery as it rests on the shop wall, framed by a pole saw, a floor fan, and a compound miter saw on its bench cannot be fully conveyed by modern photography. But I'll try:
|It's ok to cry.|
I was lucky to have a few of the tools and materials I used, but I've worked up a list in case you need to pick them up for your project.
- Heavy Duty Cordless Hammer Drill
- Cordless Impact Driver
- Battery & Charger for cordless tools
- 1/4" hex shank Magnetic Impact Driver bit (#2 Phillips)
- 1/8" hex shank drill bit
- Utility knife with speed change option
- Razor blade
- 25' professional grade tape measure
- mini precision calipers
- construction calculator
- disposable paper towel (2)
- Fruit Snacks
- Pencil sharpener
- Horizontal and Vertical line laser
- 1.5 volt battery, type AA
- Digital Multi-Meter
- Wear N Write
- Rafter Square
- Needle Nose Pliers
- 1.5" drywall screw (coarse thread)
- Safety Glasses
- Hearing Protection
- Gloves (Heavy, Medium, and rubber)
- Work Boots
- Misc. PPE
...add $1.98 to cover the cost of the clock.
|"Time is on my side, yes it is".|
- Mick Jagger.
*UPDATE - I need to correct a statement from above. I've learned that clock installation CAN actually be accomplished by just slapping it up on a nail. My apologies for the error.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I wanted to celebrate my one year Blogiversary with the same style of hard-hitting expose that launched it a year ago with Stubble: The Ultimate Power Tool. I appreciate all of you for your support of azdiyguy.com